Reflection of the Beloved Disciple on an Ordinary Autumn Day

It is still hard
to believe he’s gone.
The fault lines of our
heartbreak glare even
more now as months pass.
He returned for those fifty days
putting flesh on his prediction.
But just as we began to
breathe he went away again,
this time for good.
Now each sunrise is a
reluctant reconciliation,
an acceptance of our
given situation that it was
far better for us for him to go.
But today I am not comforted.
Today what I wouldn’t give for
an eyeful of sudden miracle
or an earful of what at first
sounded impromptu but
was as we later learned
a rehearsed conversation
with his first love.
How I wish I could turn around
and see him say
Go toward the light, my friend.
Just go toward the light.
 
*last two lines inspired by my friend Robert Benson
 

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 1,028 other subscribers

7 Comments

  1. michelemorin on September 28, 2014 at 11:26 pm

    I always imagine John feeling this way, especially toward the end of his life when he was the only remaining apostle. He must have wondered if his longevity was a reward or a penalty.

  2. Gail on September 29, 2014 at 1:37 am

    I always find myself floating for a couple of seconds after reading your poems. You have a beautiful gift for expressing what some of us cannot find the words to say.

    “Today what I wouldn’t give for
    an eyeful of sudden miracle
    or an earful of what at first
    sounded impromptu but
    was as we later learned
    a rehearsed conversation
    with his first love.”

    Gorgeous. Takes me to where I need to go.

  3. R W on September 29, 2014 at 2:45 am

    Yeah. I see John sitting there thinking these things…even when it’s for the best the letting go still hurts like none other.

  4. Robert Benson on September 29, 2014 at 12:21 pm

    Thank you, my friend. For the good words you wrote and for the good listening. Keep punching holes in the darkness, mon ami.

    NAMASTÉ —

    R. Benson

    >

  5. mike graves on September 29, 2014 at 1:19 pm

    “possessing the restlessness of a seaker”
    The Maharishi,speaking,i believe,about the John blases’ of the universe

  6. Annie B on September 29, 2014 at 7:43 pm

    Well done.

  7. pastordt on September 30, 2014 at 3:05 am

    That we all might do exactly that, ‘go toward the light.’ Thank you, John, for the beautiful reminder.

Leave a Comment